Wait a minute
This is really putting shit in perspective for me
Theres at least 1 way i could start making some serious cash and get my life together and shit
But its being blocked because as usual people like to block the flow of things to me. Its been being blocked for years, but i try to open it up every now and then.
People will happily work with others and be happy for others to be successful and make money but when it comes to me, they just dont want it to happen. Everybody else can make money, get by, be successful but the idea of me just rubs people the wrong way.
This person would rather see me go homeless than actually let me use an avenue i played a large part in setting up.
People dont want to give me room to grow because they see my potential and they are scared it will dwarf their own. People are afraid to stand next to a giant. I am a giant brought to his knees. And people are afraid of me finally being able to stand.
People would rather stand on my shoulders and things like that and then convince themselves my involvement in their lives wasnt THAT much of an influence.
People steal from me, even pieces of my persona, little pieces of my soul, or my art and expression, or they stand on my shoulders and they either want to reap the benefits of my ideas over me, or they want to be me. They want to be my individual expression of life. If i was allowed room to grow or not cut at, chipped at, even subtly, they are scared i would grow into something marvellous.
I have nothing. I have nothing to show for my contributions to people, to culture, to anything.
I am homeless, more than that, im now at my 3rd place, roomless, bedless, and will probably have to bounce to a 4th. My life is falling apart and i cant get to a gym, and am currently far from anywhere. The 4th place is further in towards the city but is under a different council and so everything i have set up will be defunct, including my gym membership.
This is after many years, a decade plus, of intermittent abuse and emotional issues.
Where do i go to cash in my straight white male privilege?
You all seem to know a lot about it.
I talk to them because they are just people and i dont judge anyone that deep, i dont just ignore anyone and would be friends with anyone but they have no interest in that, some do but eventually end up in a rage at me and those who are more like you, or those who have nothing to do with it either ignore me, or make wild assumptions about me and want nothing to do with me
As i said, pretty much nobody is particularly nice to me on here and im just annoyed or angry when on here a good 80 percent of the time. Even then, 15 percent is quite neutral, with maybe 5 percent being actively positive. Thats got to be some form of masochism.
Tumblr makes me feel more negative than posotive and people arent even particularly nice to me on here and i dont know the point of me coming on here outside of as part of continuing my loop of negativity that i am used to
I have got to stop coming on here at all
You people really are disgusting individuals
Not all of you, but a lot of you
Not only disgusting individuals but delusional, disgusting individuals
As in your reasoning and ways of thinking in order to reach your disgusting conclusions are removed from reality, sometimes wildly to the point of it being obvious many of you are mentally ill. And lets be real, a large portion of tumblr is the mentally ill. Its obvious in your views and processings of reality.
It just makes me angry and makes me lose hope for humanity